lunes, abril 14, 2008

Los Cronocrímenes

Os voy a hablar un poquito de cine español. Tranquilos, no salgáis corriendo.

Sabéis que no me gusta el cine español. No me gustan los temas, no me gusta la estética, no me gustan los diálogos.
Aquí tenemos a Almodovar. Qué bien. Tenemos a Amenabar. Súper divertido. Tenemos a Julio Medem, con la mejor película del mundo: "Lucía y el sexo".
Es broma, "Lucía y el sexo" me parece una auténtica basura.

Por supuesto, el cine español es en sí un subgénero, subgénero del cine de "enseñar tetas gratuitamente". No se libra ni una película española.
Alguien decía en un monólogo, no se si era Ángel Martín, Joaquín Reyes o quién, que mucha gente defendía el cine español frente a, pongamos, el americano, exponiendo que "el cine español trata situaciones cotidianas, reales", y decía, "pues yo no conozco a nadie con madre prostituta, hijo yonki y padre travesti", etcétera, etcétera.

Señores, el cine americano no es mejor por que sí (de hecho, me parece que ahora mismo el cine MUNDIAL está sufriendo un bajón impresionante, no puedes evitar mirar la cartelera del cine sin pensar "bueno, voy a donar 7 euros a Cáritas, porque desde luego, a ver esta mierda no voy a ir") simplemente trata temas, o mejor dicho, trataba, temas más novedosos, o interesantes, o curiososos.

Para ver una película costumbrista o una en la que se nos muestra "lo insoportable de lo cotidiano" o "algo que nos podría pasar a cualquiera" ya tenemos nuestra propia vida.
No, la razón de que el cine español no guste no es que "no tenga tanto presupuesto como el cine americano, ni tantos efectos especiales". Señores, la razón de que el cine español no guste, es que es malo.

Una de mis películas españolas favoritas (ahora mismo es la única que recuerdo que me guste, supongo que hay más, pero no caigo) es "Intacto". "Intacto" presenta una trama muy original, una historia genial. Nada de historias de barrio, leñe, sino un elemento de ficción introducido en la realidad. Eso mola.


La estética y la fotografía son preciosas. Hay fotogramas dignos de fondo de pantalla.

Cuando la vi por tercera vez me di cuenta de que el director era Juan Carlos Fresnadillo. Si, el que se llevaron a los USA pra rodar "28 semanas después" o lo que sea. Vaya, ¿será porque lo yankis supieron apreciar su calidad? Pues no tengo ni idea, pero miradle, lo primero que ha hecho ha sido salir corriendo.

Por cierto, "Intacto" no se libra. También se ven tetas.

Pero a lo que iba. Fresnadillo introdujo en "Intacto" un elemento de ficción menor, sutil. Por eso quiero hablar de alguien que, creo, va a hacer auténtica ciencia-ficción española. Y el cabrón va a salir airoso del intento. Bueno, nunca se sabe.

Conocéis a Nacho Vigalondo por el corto "7:35", que estuvo nominado a los Oscar hace un par de años. Como las grandes mentes pensantes, se ha curtido a base de cortometrajes, como "Domingo", en el que trata la temática de los encuentro extraterrestres mezclados con lo cotidiano, "Cambiar el mundo", hecho sólo con un móvil, sobre los universos paralelos, y, por encima de todo, el corto de no ficción "Choque", que os recomiendo a todos YA mismo, porque es de lo mejorcito que he visto nunca, que ideas tiene este hombre. Además, en este corto descubrí a Barbara Goenaga y, como Alex, también me enamoré.

Nacho Vigalondo es , a fin de cuentas, un freak. Es Fan de la ciencia-ficción, de la fantasía, de las paranoias en general. Y creo que nos va a demostrar a todos (aunque por la boca muere el pez, puedo equivocarme) que un español, con equipo español, actores españoles, y todo muy patrio, se puede hacer una película sobre viajes en el tiempo.

Y encima, con una momia rosa.

Ahora os vais a reir de mí, pero la verdad es que tengo todas mis esperanzas puestas en él. El trailer me llama. Veo la película, simplemente, la veo. Karra Errejalde. Cojonudo. Barbara Goenaga. Dadle tiempo, sera una de las grandes, y si no, al menos de las más guapas. Y el mismo Vigalondo que, por supuesto, tiene que salir metiendo baza como actor.

Ya tiene el premio a la Mejor Película de ciencia-ficción del festival de Trieste, y en el Fantastic Fest de Austin ya se ha llevado el de Mejor Película y la Medalla de Plata del Público. Los americanos ya van a hacer un remake de la película, y nosotros ni siqueira la hemos olido.

Ni Indiana Jones ni huevos en salmuera. Yo estoy esperando al 27 de Junio para ver "Los Cronocrímenes".

174 Comments:

Anonymous elvi said...

Bueno, esta conversación ya la hemos tenido varias veces asique intentaré resumir lo que pienso al respecto.
Reconozco que en muchas ocasiones en el cine español parece que se quedaron en el destape y que les gustan demasiado las películas lentas y con pocos dialogos, pero, hay películas muy buenas, es cuestión de gustos.
Esta claro que siempre habra más películas americanas que te gusten que películas españolas pero es que por cada 1000 películas que se hacen en Estados Unidos aqui se hacen 10 asique simplemente por probabilidades...
Y te digo yo que si te pones a buscar películas españolas no te suenan ni la mitad de la mitad y es que aunque creas que no, el dinero hace mucho y una buena publicidad ni te cuento.
Podría hablar largo y tendido del tema pero tampoco es cuestión.
Muases.

11:03 a. m.  
Anonymous Anónimo said...

Mira que iba a empezar agresivo, pero menos mal que Elvi te ha puesto las cosas en su sitio. Gracias Elvi. Soy Alex

No me quiero acostumbrar a comentarte el blog.... ojo que no quiero... pero es que las pides a gritos.

Si, también hemos tenido esta converse (all star) alguna vez. Y pienso volver a repetirlo.
Para empezar quiero aclarar dos cosas: dos puntos, aparte.
1- Las tetas no simbolizan ocasiones para masturbarte cuando estás solo en tu casa. Que lo hacemos, sí, pero no quieren representar eso. Es NATURALIDAD. Es bañarse en bolas en la playa, lo que siempre nos apetece a todos y nunca hacemos porque está abarrotada (bueno, algunos si lo hacéis Agus, tranquilo), y no taparte hasta el cogote cuando estás con tu pareja en la cama (oh sí, las americanadas en las que se tapan con la sábana es de lo más artístico).
Naturalidad tio. A todos nos haría falta ver más cuerpos desnudos. No para ponernos cerdacos joder, para comprender las diferencias que tenemos, para querernos más, para ser mejores personas... Coño ¿por qué tengo que llegar al extremo de la filosofía?

¿Que abusan de desnudos? Claro, igual que en hollywood abusan de efectos especiales, pero no lo olvides pequeño osobuco salvaje: las tetas representan lo que todos queremos y nadie se atreve a hacer. No las infravalores.

2- Lo segundo es que me toca la polla que te metas con Medem. No voy a profundizar más en el asunto porque ya me he enrollao con las tetas, pero que conste que te faltan por ver (conmigo) "vacas", "Tierra" y "Caótica Ana". Después de eso te permito que con respeto te metas con él.

Pues eso. Nos vemos en la habitación 212 de algún hostal.
Muchos besos.

4:45 p. m.  
Blogger Bamf! said...

Primero de todo, pedazo de negros transgénicos:

En el cine americano habrá efectos especiales en las películas de acción, proque vamos, en las comedias románticas yo no he visto grandes explosiones ni movidas futurísticas (salvo en "Mentiras Arriesgadas", que la considero comedia romántica).

Segundo: las tetas como muestras de naturalidad, genial. Pero muchas veces, como en "Lucía y el sexo" o incluso "Intacto", son desnudos más artísticos que otra cosa. Lo siento, pero lo artístico en el cine español en lo que se refiere a cuerpos femeninos desnudos, queda muy fuera de lugar. Una pareja desnuda en la cama después de follar, genial (veasé "Noviembre", si mal no recuerdo) pero que Paz vega esté de pie en pelotas porque es así de cerda, no. Desnudos porque unos personajes van a una playa nudista: si. Paz Vega desnuda en una playa porque le apetece que un viejo le meta mano y le sobe con barro por la piel: furcia.

Y, por cierto: no nos olvidemos de que, por mucho que hayas follao, si estás en invierno, te tapas con la manta.

Jajaja, esta última frase me ha hecho mucha gracia.

Respecto que las tetas representan lo que todos queremos y no nos atrevemos... Mira, si nos dan tetas porque es lo que queremos, lo considero pornografía. Y estarías en lo correcto a decir que "no nos atrevemos" o que es un poquito tabú, si no fuera porque ¡hay tetas en las películas!

Si Barbara Goenaga enseña más de un muslo en "Los Cronocrímenes", ¿sabes por que me jodería?

Porque a lo mejor tu y yo estamos en la butaca en posición de erudito diciendo "Vaya, los valores fílmicos y narrativos de esta escena son inconmensurables, hum." xD. Pero habrá 50 capullos en la sala, y cien mil por internet diciendo "A LA TÍA BUENA ESA SE LE VE UNA TETA."

Vaya, acabo de descubrir porque me joden los desnudos en el cine español... Es un problema de mentalidad, me jode que to los cazurros lo vean como material para pajas, no me parece respeto para los actores ni el resto del reparto.

Eso, y que "Lucía y el sexo" es una mierda. Jajaja.

Os quiero a los dos. Por cierto, Alex, "Tierra" y "Vacas", genial, pero si me obligas a ver "Caótica Ana", me degüello con un cenicero.

Un beso, guapos.

10:30 a. m.  
Blogger Bamf! said...

Dios, me encantaría verte en la habitación 212.

¿Quedamos?

10:32 a. m.  
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Sí, un montón.

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Anonymous Anónimo said...

Jajajaja, ya hablaremos en casa...
te leo, te leo...

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Anonymous Anónimo said...

Ufffff. A mi no te me pongas en plan "voy a decir la última palabra y tengo razón". Varios puntos en los que se te ve el plumero:

- Soy Alex

- Ya aparecen más películas españolas que te gustan (noviembre. ¡Vaya si salen tetas!)
¿Volvemos a lo de las proporciones cineAmericano/cineEspañol? ¿O no quieres porque estrella te traumatizó?jajajajaja esa ha sido buena tío.

- Vaya vaya vaya. Que yo sepa, hasta ahora, aparte de tocarme las pelotas con Julio Medem, sólo te has limitado a criticar a los desnudos de "lucía y el sexo". Esto me parece un problema de semántica: Agus, cuando dice "sexo" se refiere a todo lo que tiene que ver con personas desnudas dándose placer. Si criticas las tetas en el cine, por favor, no lo hagas con una pelicula que va sobre tetas.

- Si sustituimos los efectos especiales de las pelis de acción por los venga-ya-no-me-creo-nada-de-eso de las películas de comedia americanas, esteríamos de acuerdo en que nos jode más eso que una teta de Paz Vega.

- Hablemos de alguna pelicula más. En "vacas" no sale ni una teta. Si, salen un par de personas follando, pero no se les ve ni una uña del pie.
En "Volver" creo recordar que apenas salen tetas. Eso significa que salvo que la escena sea en el dormitorio (en el que no hay ninguna necesidad de taparse), no dan rienda suelta a la pornografía.
En "Noviembre"... si es que como digas algo malo de noviembre voy a alicante y clavo a tu conejo de las orejas.XD
En "Martin (Hache)", a pesar de ser una película dirigida al perfil de persona social-comunista/perroflauta/drogadicto (entre los cuales me incluyo) apenas hay escenas de cama. Es pura obra maestra literaria.
"Mi vida sin mi", "Salvador Puig Antich","La lengua de las mariposas", "El laberinto del fauno"... peliculas buenas/bastante buenas españolas en las que, no puedo asegurar al 100% pero no hay porno.
- Y eso porque estamos hablando de peliculas de los últimos 10 años en los que el destape está a la que salta.

Mira que podríamos discutir esto tranquilamente cualquier noche, y cuánto nos gustará meternos pullazos en público. "Los Pullazos de Ulloa" No digo más.

12:42 p. m.  
Anonymous elvi said...

Creo que Alex ya lo ha dicho todo ;P
Solo añadir:
¿como puedes decir que mi vida sin mi no es preciosisima?!!
¿Previsible? a lo mejor esperabas que saliese un monstruo destrozando la ciudad pero...es lo que hay.

Te quiero XD

1:55 p. m.  
Blogger Bamf! said...

Lo habéis conseguido, el tema me aburre.

Habéis ganao. xDDD

(Alex, encima con recochineo, mandándome un mail y todo, jaja)

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